Control What You Can, Mitigate What You Can’t

“You have absolute control over but one thing, and that is your thoughts.”  — Napoleon Hill

There are some variables in life that are completely out of our control. You have a huge day planned outside and it downpours. You double down all your money into a stock and it crashes. The list of examples can be endless. Learn to focus on what elements you can control and do your best to mitigate the potential outcomes of those you can’t.

It makes sense that we all want control – it makes us feel secure in a world of uncertainty. Everything from animal research, clinical studies, and neuro-imaging work evidence that the need for control is a biological imperative for survival¹. It can also help boost achievements throughout life. Subjects high in the desire for control displayed higher levels of aspiration, had higher expectancies for their performances, and were able to set their expectancies in a more realistic manner than were subjects low in the desire for control². The sense of control might even have the ability to stave off death. In a nursing home study over an eighteen month period, those with no control over which plants to grow or shows to watch had double the death rate as those who were given control over these decisions³.

The obviously conclusion with the above is to seek to control all things all the time, yet that is not practical or realistic. There is such a thing as too much need for control. Trying to control your partner or coworker can result in reactance, which can result in that individual feeling uncomfortable, hostile, aggressive, and/or angry⁴. This could result in the exact opposite behavior you were pushing for, simply out of spite. The balance is to focus on variables you can control, such as your own actions, attitudes, etc. Then, try and guide what you can’t control with the understanding that it is simply guidance. As events continue, rinse and repeat.

Action: Make a list of what you can control and what you can’t. Focus on what you can.

Further Reading:

1. Born to Choose: The Origins and Value of the Need for Control
2. Desire for Control and Achievement-Related Behaviors
3. Long-term effects of a control-relevant intervention with the institutionalized aged
4. Understanding Psychological Reactance