Reflect Your Way to Betterment

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Søren Kierkegaard

Reflection, when done correctly, leads to personal improvement. When done incorrectly, it can cause a downward spiral of self flagellation. Days can be broken down into a string of decisions and effects. An event occurs in which you need to make a decision, which then transforms into another event and the need for another decision. This cycle repeats in an unending cycle throughout every day. Then when you lay down for bed, the mechanical cogs of your mind start churning on your day’s decisions. Did you say the right thing in the meeting today? Did you impress someone enough on a date? Were you too hard on your kids?

Typical reflection cycles like this can quickly downward spiral into self deprecation and harsh criticism. Questions can devolve into “Why did this happen to me?”, “Why do I keep making bad decisions?”, etc. This is a bummer way to end the day and is not the point of reflection. Studies show reflecting is valuable when performed through the right lens; thoughtful processing of the past in order to perform better in the future. Improve your end-of-day reflection in order to gain the most from it.

There are endless approaches to reflection and we can’t possibly cover them all, so we’ll focus on our favorite. Try implementing a two question approach: 1) “What went well today?” (Follow up, “Why?”) and 2) “What can I do smarter tomorrow?” These questions help provide a neutral analysis of the day. Calling out something(s) you did well is critical to remind yourself days are not just full of negatives. Take a moment to celebrate the awesome meal you cooked or the kind gesture you performed. Then reflect on what you can do smarter tomorrow. It’s recommended to be guided by your personal goals. Maybe you could do better shrugging off that negative comment made by a co-worker or put your phone in another room during dinner.

The overall purpose of reflection is to learn and evolve into something better day-by-day. This process takes a lifetime, literally. Rome was not built in a day. Breathe deep and forgive yourself mistakes as you reflect, learn, and grow.

Action: Ask both questions every day this week before bed:

• What went well today? (Follow up, why?)
• What can I do smarter tomorrow?

Further Reading:

Don’t underestimate the power of self reflection 

Reflectivity in Research Practice: An Overview of Different Perspectives

Reflection Versus Self-Reflection: Sources of Self-Esteem Boost Determine Behavioral Outcomes