Remote vs. Returning to the Office: Fights In Relationships

“Be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life is a great balancing act.” — Dr. Seuss

Covid brought about a sudden and unique transition of people working remotely en masse, almost overnight. Now we’re entering yet another new era: inconsistent return to office mandates across geolocations and industries. This has an obvious effect on work culture and work-life balance. Yet the subject people are not talking about enough is the impact this has within the home itself. One partner continuing to work remotely while the other returns to work can cause strain on the relationship.

WFH-culture produced study after study on what it does to relationships and how to prevent it. But there is far less research on the impacts of one partner returning to the workplace while the other continues to remain home. This setup can result in differing social engagement needs and lopsided division of household responsibilities. When working from home, both partners complete more family-related tasks than when working from the office, but when wives worked from home, their husbands completed fewer family tasks¹. However, the reverse wasn’t true. Social engagement needs can vary widely between partners as working from home is associated with working more “unsocial” hours and returning from the office requiring more of a break from being social². Deeper studies on the topic are rare, but more and more articles are being published around how the setup can cause issues³. Many cite the word “resentment” if not addressed quickly and with clear communication.

Change is a constant in life and requires adaptation. Talk to your partner and make sure you both have clear expectations of responsibilities and boundaries. Being back in the office is not a free pass to dump all the house work onto your remote partner. Be respectful of social needs. Coming home from the office might require some downtime, while working from home all day might require going anywhere (as long as it is out of the house). Communicate those needs and find a balance. Continue to see what works and what doesn’t. After all, things will likely change again.

Action: Review your working situation with your partner and talk through approaches and expectations.

Further Reading:

1. Double challenges: How working from home affects dual-earner couples’ work-family experiences
2. Working from Home and Work–Family Conflict
3. I work from home while my husband goes into the office. It’s caused a lot of unexpected issues in our relationship.